New, Expanded Project
I've decided to take my fight against my weight to a separate arena in order to focus more on it. I would very much like it if you all would follow that fight over at Fat Sailor. The 6 month cycle of barely passing my PRT weigh in has to stop. Please join me over at Fat Sailor and watch me beat this monster! http://fatsailor.wordpress.com
A Picture of God's Grace
I went swimming yesterday morning (going this morning too), because I'm trying to lose some weight without putting too much strain on my joints. Swimming has been good to me in the past, and it's finally warm enough in San Diego to enjoy it in the morning.
Yesterday I got to the pool at 6:00am. The sun was just cresting over the pool structure and about 25 meters down the lane (half way), I noticed a prism effect all around me. The sun was hitting the water and creating a beautiful light show on the pool floor. I was awestruck by the majesty. It's something that can happen on any given day, but there, with the sun just rising over the buildings, something special was there, just for me.
Anyone who reads this blog knows I struggle with my weight. Yet in the midst of that struggle, God showed me a beautiful light show just to let me know that he is there too in my struggle. I don't know if I'll ever beat the sin of gluttony or ever get my weight down to a really manageable level, but I do know this...God has not stopped loving me, nor has he walked away from me. I am so grateful...
Yesterday I got to the pool at 6:00am. The sun was just cresting over the pool structure and about 25 meters down the lane (half way), I noticed a prism effect all around me. The sun was hitting the water and creating a beautiful light show on the pool floor. I was awestruck by the majesty. It's something that can happen on any given day, but there, with the sun just rising over the buildings, something special was there, just for me.
Anyone who reads this blog knows I struggle with my weight. Yet in the midst of that struggle, God showed me a beautiful light show just to let me know that he is there too in my struggle. I don't know if I'll ever beat the sin of gluttony or ever get my weight down to a really manageable level, but I do know this...God has not stopped loving me, nor has he walked away from me. I am so grateful...
Cystic Fibrosis and my Family
To those of you who don't know, my daughter has cystic fibrosis. It's a rather nasty disease that will more than likely end my daughter's life by the time she is 37 unless a cure is found and administered. I mostly live in denial about it, to be honest, but there are days when I am confronted by reality.
Right now, my daughter is as healthy as a small ox. She's about 38lbs of dynamite and regularly drives us batty trying to keep up with her. Her brother loves her, even if he's annoyed at times by her immaturity. Alicia, my wife and her mother, is a champ at treatments and loves Samantha like nothing else in this world. She is a testament to mothers of CFers all over the world. And then there is me...just trying to keep up.
I read a blog post last night from a fellow with cystic fibrosis and he was talking about faith. You can read it here. I recommend you going to the blog when you can. He did a good job on the subject, and there are some good comments on the post.
His post confronted me with the reality that I need to be useful for the Kingdom and the church as a father of a girl with CF. I took one step last night by writing the following:
I am the father of a little girl with CF. I'm also a Christian. Recently, my faith, as it relates to cystic fibrosis, was challenged. I'm in the Navy and my detailer (closest thing to HR we have) told me that I had to go to this little base in northern Virginia. The closest military CF center was Bethesda Navy Hospital, 75 miles away (90 minutes). I had prayed hard for God to send us anywhere but that base (and to one base in particular). Still, no matter how much I asked the detailer to reconsider, we were given orders to Virginia. I was angry.
I didn't blog about it at all and didn't even facebook it much, but I told anyone who wanted to know how angry at God I was. I even started conversations with "This doesn't mean I don't believe in Him..." The fact was that, even in my anger, I understood that God was over my family. That didn't take away my feelings of betrayal, however, like God had walked away from me.
That was a humbling time period for me. You see, about six weeks ago we learned that those orders had been cancelled. We are now leaving for North Chicago in less than two weeks. The CF center we have chosen to go to, at least for now, is a mere 30 minutes away or less, and they have a clinic that is even closer than the main center. the fact is that God knew a long time ago, even as he was testing me, that he had no intention of putting my family that far from support.
Yet I was hurt, and angry, and I wanted God to know how bad that hurt me. I'm embarrassed by my actions during that time, and have resolved to shut up more and complain less. God is sovereign in my life, whether I want him to be or not.
Maybe I'm not as angry as others, and maybe I am. But what I do have is hope. I have hope that my daughter will be healthy, that maybe a cure will be found, and if not, that regardless of the outcome and when she dies, I have a chance to be with her again. It is up to me to model the Christ I hope she accepts someday. That is my current task.
Right now, my daughter is as healthy as a small ox. She's about 38lbs of dynamite and regularly drives us batty trying to keep up with her. Her brother loves her, even if he's annoyed at times by her immaturity. Alicia, my wife and her mother, is a champ at treatments and loves Samantha like nothing else in this world. She is a testament to mothers of CFers all over the world. And then there is me...just trying to keep up.
I read a blog post last night from a fellow with cystic fibrosis and he was talking about faith. You can read it here. I recommend you going to the blog when you can. He did a good job on the subject, and there are some good comments on the post.
His post confronted me with the reality that I need to be useful for the Kingdom and the church as a father of a girl with CF. I took one step last night by writing the following:
I am the father of a little girl with CF. I'm also a Christian. Recently, my faith, as it relates to cystic fibrosis, was challenged. I'm in the Navy and my detailer (closest thing to HR we have) told me that I had to go to this little base in northern Virginia. The closest military CF center was Bethesda Navy Hospital, 75 miles away (90 minutes). I had prayed hard for God to send us anywhere but that base (and to one base in particular). Still, no matter how much I asked the detailer to reconsider, we were given orders to Virginia. I was angry.
I didn't blog about it at all and didn't even facebook it much, but I told anyone who wanted to know how angry at God I was. I even started conversations with "This doesn't mean I don't believe in Him..." The fact was that, even in my anger, I understood that God was over my family. That didn't take away my feelings of betrayal, however, like God had walked away from me.
That was a humbling time period for me. You see, about six weeks ago we learned that those orders had been cancelled. We are now leaving for North Chicago in less than two weeks. The CF center we have chosen to go to, at least for now, is a mere 30 minutes away or less, and they have a clinic that is even closer than the main center. the fact is that God knew a long time ago, even as he was testing me, that he had no intention of putting my family that far from support.
Yet I was hurt, and angry, and I wanted God to know how bad that hurt me. I'm embarrassed by my actions during that time, and have resolved to shut up more and complain less. God is sovereign in my life, whether I want him to be or not.
Maybe I'm not as angry as others, and maybe I am. But what I do have is hope. I have hope that my daughter will be healthy, that maybe a cure will be found, and if not, that regardless of the outcome and when she dies, I have a chance to be with her again. It is up to me to model the Christ I hope she accepts someday. That is my current task.
Navy Classics
One of my happiest memories from my early childhood was listening to my father play his guitar and sing "The Sinking of the Reuben James." The USS Reuben James was sunk in October 1941, the first US Navy ship sunk in that war. One of the reasons I ended up joining the Navy was because of the stories my old man used to tell me of sailors who had gone before me.
This classic is a reminder of good memories as a child and of good men who went before me.
This classic is a reminder of good memories as a child and of good men who went before me.
The Diary of a Fat Sailor
When I was a teenager on a farm in Southeast Kansas, I ate like a small horse, at least that's how I remember it. Many a day came and went with me rushing home after football practice to devour dinner leftovers, as I often missed the main meal. Most of all, I remember feeling invincible. I had no fear of food (quantity-wise) and welcomed it, particularly potatoes, fried chicken, and other forms of meat. I also enjoyed pasta, particularly my mom's chicken noodle recipe. I did always have problems with type of food, something that really caused problems when I got overseas. In some ways, I still struggle with this too.
I arrived in Great Lakes, IL for US Navy boot camp at a whopping 164lbs. Yet I left at about 175lbs. Already, just by getting three solid meals a day and ironically working less than I did on the farm, I was gaining weight. I left A-School at 185 and C-School at 195. See a pattern developing? Well, hindsight is 20/20 I suppose, because I didn't see it then.
Now 13 years have passed since I was last in Great Lakes, and I'm returning to teach A-School weighing in at over 240lbs. In some ways, I am in better shape than I was even then. My body is, relatively speaking, as healthy as an ox. I've run two half marathons and an assortment of smaller races. I also competed in a swim-a-thon at the base pool, although I didn't reach the minimum goal to get a prize. My cholesterol is right at the borderline though, even though my heart rate is a cool 55 resting (I've heard that Lance Armstrong's is only 5 beats less than mine).
But I am also a big ox. I have found recently, as I crossed the 30 year old mark, that my body does not respond as quickly as it used to. I cannot lose 15lbs in a few weeks like I could once upon a time, and I find it harder to say no to food. I have failed physical readiness tests in the past, but after four years of not failing one, I'm finding myself in a precarious position.
I weigh the same I did nine months ago when I started training to run long distance. It has not been a success, although I can't begin to explain how awesome it is to cross the finish line of a half marathon. No, sports fans, there is a problem brewing under my skin, no pun intended.
I don't want to be destined to be this way. I wrote about gluttony at the start of this year in a desperate attempt to find accountability in myself and scripture, but that too has failed. I don't want to be "that chief" or "that first class" who talks about PT like it's vital to a young Sailor's career (it is) yet can't look good in uniform myself.
No, I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm just letting you know how this works. I feel an immense amount of pressure to be thin so that the Navy will look good. I understand the need for the Navy to look good. Who wants to see a bunch of fat sailors? But I am not who I used to be. I am not the young buck who can eat anything and get away with it.
The problem is that my work ethic and determination doesn't seem to translate to my waistline. How does the number 4 E6 sailor on board a US Navy cruiser struggle with weight? I'm the Sailor of the Year as well...it doesn't make sense. It just doesn't even seem right. How will I prove to my future command that I'm a good sailor...no, and excellent sailor, capable of guiding the next generation of sailors when I look like this?
It could be that you struggle with weight too. Welcome to the club. The membership is pretty steep, unfortunately. You have to pay with a career spent barely making weight every six months, and probably missing it a few times here and there. It's not a fun club, and I don't want to be president, but I guess I am, at least for a little bit.
Are you an overweight sailor unafraid to admit it? Do you have encouragement for those who struggle, like myself?
I arrived in Great Lakes, IL for US Navy boot camp at a whopping 164lbs. Yet I left at about 175lbs. Already, just by getting three solid meals a day and ironically working less than I did on the farm, I was gaining weight. I left A-School at 185 and C-School at 195. See a pattern developing? Well, hindsight is 20/20 I suppose, because I didn't see it then.
Now 13 years have passed since I was last in Great Lakes, and I'm returning to teach A-School weighing in at over 240lbs. In some ways, I am in better shape than I was even then. My body is, relatively speaking, as healthy as an ox. I've run two half marathons and an assortment of smaller races. I also competed in a swim-a-thon at the base pool, although I didn't reach the minimum goal to get a prize. My cholesterol is right at the borderline though, even though my heart rate is a cool 55 resting (I've heard that Lance Armstrong's is only 5 beats less than mine).
But I am also a big ox. I have found recently, as I crossed the 30 year old mark, that my body does not respond as quickly as it used to. I cannot lose 15lbs in a few weeks like I could once upon a time, and I find it harder to say no to food. I have failed physical readiness tests in the past, but after four years of not failing one, I'm finding myself in a precarious position.
I weigh the same I did nine months ago when I started training to run long distance. It has not been a success, although I can't begin to explain how awesome it is to cross the finish line of a half marathon. No, sports fans, there is a problem brewing under my skin, no pun intended.
I don't want to be destined to be this way. I wrote about gluttony at the start of this year in a desperate attempt to find accountability in myself and scripture, but that too has failed. I don't want to be "that chief" or "that first class" who talks about PT like it's vital to a young Sailor's career (it is) yet can't look good in uniform myself.
No, I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm just letting you know how this works. I feel an immense amount of pressure to be thin so that the Navy will look good. I understand the need for the Navy to look good. Who wants to see a bunch of fat sailors? But I am not who I used to be. I am not the young buck who can eat anything and get away with it.
The problem is that my work ethic and determination doesn't seem to translate to my waistline. How does the number 4 E6 sailor on board a US Navy cruiser struggle with weight? I'm the Sailor of the Year as well...it doesn't make sense. It just doesn't even seem right. How will I prove to my future command that I'm a good sailor...no, and excellent sailor, capable of guiding the next generation of sailors when I look like this?
It could be that you struggle with weight too. Welcome to the club. The membership is pretty steep, unfortunately. You have to pay with a career spent barely making weight every six months, and probably missing it a few times here and there. It's not a fun club, and I don't want to be president, but I guess I am, at least for a little bit.
Are you an overweight sailor unafraid to admit it? Do you have encouragement for those who struggle, like myself?
Pestalozzi on mentoring
In my current course from Liberty, EDUC 604 (Foundations of Education), we're reading about the ancients, or fathers (and mothers) of education. Something struck me as I read about Johann Heinrich Pestalozzi. I don't agree with much of what he believed about education. There isn't enough room on this blog to really go into that, and this post certainly isn't the place. However, I did read one thing that piqued my interest:
"A gentle man by nature, Pestalozzi wanted to preside over his educational family as a father figure rather than as a pedantic taskmaster." A History of the Western Educational Experience, 1995, pg 223.
This has always been my philosophy in military leadership as well. I would much rather lead a young man towards a better career than simply demand it from him. Ironically, in the end, the demand is the same. However, some of these guys have never had a father figure, or perhaps they had a poor one growing up. Just the same, a good Navy mentor, who provides that sort of fatherly guidance, can mean the world for a young Sailor.
Just my two cents.
"A gentle man by nature, Pestalozzi wanted to preside over his educational family as a father figure rather than as a pedantic taskmaster." A History of the Western Educational Experience, 1995, pg 223.
This has always been my philosophy in military leadership as well. I would much rather lead a young man towards a better career than simply demand it from him. Ironically, in the end, the demand is the same. However, some of these guys have never had a father figure, or perhaps they had a poor one growing up. Just the same, a good Navy mentor, who provides that sort of fatherly guidance, can mean the world for a young Sailor.
Just my two cents.
USS Antietam Tour: A photo tour
I have given almost five years of my life to the beautiful gray lady named Antietam. I have already written my good-bye message, so I won't say more on that topic. Instead, I give you a photo essay:
First of all, a short physical tour:
I have seen her decks used for many things, like a Tiger Cruise, my own advancement ceremony, and Easter church services:
So there you have it...a successful, productive, and safe tour. Thanks to the men and women of Antietam, to the ship herself, and to my family for making this tour a successful one!
First of all, a short physical tour:
I've met many friends on board her:
And I've seen many places, like a volcano in Japan, sea turtles in Hawaii, the night skyline of Hong Kong, and a blazing sunrise in Thailand.
And finally, she's always brought me home safe:
Leaving the USS Antietam
Just over 8 years ago, I was leaving the USS Mobile Bay, my first ship, and one that I had loved for most of that tour. Even now, I mostly remember the good times, although of course some of the bad times prevail in my memory. I know you don't all want to hear about my sad stories, so I'll refrain. Just know that those feelings I had for the Mob I now have for the Antietam.
Leaving now feels surreal, as if maybe it's not right to go. I know it's time. Heck, everyone on board knows it's time. My boss, FCCM E., told me a little while ago, "FC1, you've ridden this train long enough. It's time for someone else to get a turn." And that is, I think, the general sentiment. Of course, I'm sure there are plenty of guys on board who just wish I'd get out of their way. Fair enough. And I'm sure there are others who just flat out don't care that I'm here or gone. They don't know me. Fair enough there too.
Yet I've spent almost 5 years of my life with this ship. It's an odd thing, to be on board a ship this long. So much has changed since I arrived. I've gone through 3 COs, 4 XOs, 4 dept heads, and a slew of division officers. Had some arguments with a former chief I still don't care for, although ironically I now have his anchors as they were passed down to me from the chief who got them from him. Does that make sense?
And I've been mentored by the best CPO since Jojo Vicencio on the Mobile Bay. FCCM Edwards may not walk on water, but he's close as far as the Navy is concerned (not spiritually, unfortunately). He changed my career path and I'm grateful for that.
Ok, I'm waxing a bit philosophical. It's time to move on. I don't like saying goodbye, so I'll just do my best to kind of "disappear" on Tuesday. In all, Antietam was a good ship. I went through two deployments with her and she always brought me home safe. Thank you sweetheart.
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