Some days I just sit wondering what it would be like to be overseas again, in fellowship with believers of a different culture than my own, to minister again in a different context. Sometimes I get lost in thought and pray...at times I don't know what for. I just pray. At other times, I pray for a country that is on my mind. Sometimes I ask God why we aren't overseas right now.
At other times, I try to be productive and understanding. God has placed me at the forefront of a great ministry on the US Navy base in Great Lakes. I'm leading a Bible study for six weeks that started a few weeks ago. Every where I turn, and despite anything I actually want to do, God puts me in ministry with the Navy.
Of course I enjoy the work he has for me. Helping to guide these young Sailors, and leading a Bible study, is always rewarding work. But what am I to do with the fire that is in my soul for those outside our country? My wife and I do support missions overseas, but I cannot escape the fact that my friends are doing what I had hoped the Lord would have called me to do.
Is it ok for a man to feel this way? I never want to question God's will. He is greater than I am by far and all I can do is thank Him for not destroying me. Besides, I've questioned him before and it didn't work out to well. I also know full well that I'm still young and God could still use me overseas someday.
I don't know what I want this post to be about. I know it sounds like a pity-party thrown by yours truly, but it's how I feel, so I'm saying it. I have so much to be grateful for, and I am grateful, but that fire in my heart...I don't know what to do about that. Some nights it hurts pretty bad.